The Girl of Fire and Thorns, Chapter 30: My Dinner with Alejandro

Last time on The Girl of Fire and Thorns, Elisa finally returned to Brisadulce, Alejandro got distracted by her mammalian protuberances, and Elisa’s spare Godstones from earlier in the book went missing. Will Alejandro stop staring at Elisa’s breasts? Will Elisa recover her Godstones in time for the upcoming boss battle? Find out after the cut.

TRIGGER WARNING: There is a very brief mention of sex. You’ve been warned.

Part 1: The Dinner
Alejandro: Hey, Elisa.

Elisa: What?

Alejandro: So, um, I talked to the Quorum.

Elisa: Yeah?

Alejandro: And we’ve decided to hold your coronation in two days.

Elisa: You’re only making our marriage official now?

Alejandro: Hey, it was politically advantageous to keep it from everyone at the time. Now that everyone knows we’re married, it’s best that we get you coronated.

Elisa: You just didn’t want to break up with Ariña.

Alejandro: Hey, Ariña totally agreed to the whole coronation thing. Besides, everyone thinks you’re a hero for founding the Malficio.

Elisa: Um, you do know that Ariña is a traitor, right?

Alejandro: Don’t worry, I’m not going to sleep with her anymore.

Elisa: When I said “traitor,” I really meant “she totally knew about her father’s alliance with the Inviernos and did nothing about it.” So you’d better do something about that.

Alejandro: Fine. I’ll have Ariña watched.

Elisa: Okay, I guess that’s better than nothing. Anyway, about the Malficio: they’ll totally give their lives for the country. You should do something nice for them if we win the war.

Alejandro: Yeah, sure. Can I tell you something private?

Elisa: Shoot.

Alejandro: I’m afraid of war. I watched my daddy die on the battlefield during the last war.

Elisa: So that’s why you’re so indecisive.

Alejandro: And I’m kinda embarrassed that you saved me during the tutorial battle.

Elisa: Well, next time you’re near death in battle, I’m totally not saving your ass.

Alejandro: Dick move, Elisa.

Elisa: Hey, you know what? I was really scared during my time in the desert. But I survived by making decisions and acting on them. You’re going to need to do that if you want to win this war. Now excuse me – I need my beauty sleep.

Alejandro: [spends a little too much time staring at Elisa’s boobies, then kisses her]

Elisa: [pushes away from Alejandro]

Alejandro: Oh, I guess you’re not ready for that yet.

Elisa: (Aside) I wonder what Humberto meant by finding a way to be free from Alejandro.

Part 2: The Letter
Elisa: Ximena? Mara? Did you find my Godstones yet?

Ximena and Mara: No.

Elisa: Ugh. I’m gonna need to have all the potted plants searched after the coronation.

[Suddenly, a message arrives!]

Ximena: Oh look, it’s a letter from Cosmé.

Elisa: (Reads) Elisa – Basajuan overrun. Refugees headed for Brisadulce. Malficio to attack Inviernos’ rear.

Mara: Sounds like a good plan.

Part 3: The Coronation
Elisa: Ugh. I’m tired of everyone asking me questions about my stupid coronation!

Ximena: They’re just trying to keep their minds off the war, my sky. Be nice to them.

Elisa: Fine.

Ximena: Good. Now which Pimped-Out Outfit do you want to wear?

[The next day….]

Elisa: Hey, Mara, I think these tiles in my bath are Very Important. Can you research them, please?

Mara: Sure, but after I wash your hair.

[Later that same day….]

Hector: Hey, Elisa.

Elisa: Yeah?

Hector: I think you’re beautiful.

Elisa: Then I’ll just binge on pastries and get fat again.

Hector: I thought you were beautiful when you were fat, too.

Elisa: Oh.

[Elisa officially becomes Queen of Joya d’Arena! And then she starts sensing danger.]


Stuff I Forgot to Mention Above:
Elisa’s Pimped-Out Coronation Outfit: wine gold silk gown with sheer overlay and yellow vines on hem.

Food Porn!
All the foodstuffs mentioned in this chapter:

  • Pollo pibil
  • Chilled wine
  • Mushrooms stuffed with garlic breading


Next time: Rosario contributes to the war effort. Refugees arrive at Brisadulce. Nicandro has a theory regarding the Generic Fantasy Prophecy. Armies and reinforcements arrive. Cosmé sends another letter.



  1. “Coronated” sounds like a mistaken word like the author just made it up as the verb form of coronation. It’s not. It is in fact a real word. But I don’t think anyone in real life would ever say it, and it sounds fake, so I disapprove of it. *plants flag of disapproval*

    Also, good on Elisa for standing up to her husband. When I read this book I was a little sad when the plot went into kidnapping and trials in the desert; I was looking forward to a plot about trials in the palace and Elisa learning to stand up for herself using the Art of War in a social arena. The book we got was good, but that book we could have had, it would have been good too.

    1. I thought that “coronated” was the past tense of “coronate”, but my computer’s spell check keeps telling me I’m wrong. Webster’s dictionary tells me it’s a real word, so I’m running with it ^_^

      When I first read this book (before I started taking notes on it), I didn’t think that Alejandro was that bad of a person — he was just cripplingly indecisive. And then in the last book Elisa talks about him in a terribly disparaging manner, which made me go WTF … until I took notes on this book and realized that yeah, maybe she has a point.

      If you want more palace intrigue, most of the second book deals with that. It’s basically Elisa trying to figure out politics after becoming queen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s